Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Caution may contain graffic infomation

Women Poo.
Well obviously, but women poo while giving birth. When everyones looking- with there faces right there trying to get the best view, that's when allot of women poo. We spend our whole lives trying to cover the smell of our poo and even the sound only to be confronted by this fact by our midwives. When I was pregnant I spent nine months preparing my boyfriend for the dreaded poo. It wasn't even him I was worried about, it was the nurses, doctors and midwives seeing it at the same time as him. In the end I didn't poo. I was, ironically constipated.
Part of me on the other hand- wishes I did poo. At least then I could file birth poos in the completed fears cabinet in my brain along with public speaking and bush poos. Instead it lingers in the pending fears cabinet with bungey jumping and under water poos.
Now as I understand men claim to be just as scared of there girlfriends poo as we are. In fact I'm positive that any men reading this are cringing right now wondering "why must you share everything Constance?" Well Ill tell you why, despite all the Diarrhea, farts, constipation and occasional Haemorrhoid, men are still obsessed with our bums. And not just the way they look in jeans. If men put as much energy into there work as they do trying to get there girlfriends to have anal sex with them they could afford to buy us a new asshole after woods. And to be honest I think its kind of strange.... Exactly who's supposed to benefit from a finger in a bum hole? How come you cant get over a bit of menstrual blood on your sheets however you can see past all the fowl jobs our bums were designed to do if it means you get to poke your nob in one for a minute or two?
I have a darling friend who's pregnant now with her second baby. Like any strong and amazing woman spent many painful hours in her first labour giving birth to a sweet sweet girl on an obviously life changing day. Only to be faced with a charming suggestion from her husband to start having anal sex instead now as it is to be 'tighter.'
When she told me this I was disgusted and racking my brain for advice all I could come up with was, "thank god your about to give birth again, this time rather then being shy or nervous about your birth poo, be grateful cos now you have something to aim for"


  1. Strangely I found lots in common with your tale Conny, Are you a witch my creative friend?

  2. Hi there, nope not a witch, just writing really. You prob have some funny stories too xxx thanks for reading