Conversations with God (mum)

When your little your always mad at your mum. I considered my mum to be a 'no' mum. "No you cant go to the Big Day Out with your uncle, No you cant get another dog to keep Mortisha company, (I don't actually believe any child on earth thinks there mums have bought them enough pets) She made me take my guini pig back to the pet shop because there was maggots in the hutch that I never cleaned out. And even after all this betrayal she was still the one I cried to when a budgie died or a dog ran away. She wouldn't let me stay up as late as she let my sister, she made me have a bath even when I was hardly dirty. But that was just my mum, if you were one of hers you were bathed, fed and ready for bed by 5. She insisted on pulling my hair back in a a plat so tight that even head lice would have jump ship. However no matter how many times she stabbed my head with bobby pins Id still always rest it on her lap while we watched neighbours.
Mums can act like complete bitch's, they lie, fight and back stab but always for the same reason... There defending one of there own.
One thing that most mums around the world have in common even if there complete enemies is fact that theyd do anything for there ungrateful children. I was totally pissed off at mine because she wouldn't buy me a new Sega Master System game, never mind the that she had spent half her weeks wage on it in the first place.
And we were broke.
Not starving broke, just broke enough to wear a Mambo jumper in a men's size XXXL because it was on sale for 15 bucks when I was 8. Broke enough to catch busses, even when it was raining, late, or I was faking an asthma attack. And of course it was all mums fault. It never occurs to kids that this is not the way there mum imagined there Saturday night either.
When your a teenager your mum tends to remind you of Benjamin Button, while the rest of the worlds growing up and maturing your mum seems to be doing the opposite by gradually immaturing every year and embarrassing you at every opportunity. While my mums at home shes allergic to bras and pants which makes for interesting chats when being picked up for a date. And yet when countless boys dumped me after that first date, mum was always the one Id run too.
When you have a baby its time for your mum to step back in. When I was in labor no one else would help me, only my mum. Doctors told me to try harder because they've obviously had lots of babies and know how if feels, nurses tried to rob me of my rights to drugs, but mum was there in my corner fighting for my drugs and convincing me that Id done a good job. When the baby finally came I knew Id had just given birth to someone mum considered one of hers. She didn't say "Congratulations, good job" or "Well done" She looked at her little blue squished up grand daughter and blurted "my god your so lucky"
And thus begins a new relationship. While I'm busy being a "no" mum, making my daughter mad by not buying her enough or not letting her stay up late enough, shes completely mesmerised by her granny, who's embarrassing quirks don't embarrass her at all.

When I was a teenager I new a beautiful boy with the longest eye lashes from high school who unfortunately died, leaving behind devastated parents and a pregnant sister. He was the first person Id known that died and I'll never forget the funeral. His mum couldn't stand up, she was carried by her husband to the coffin to say goodbye and was obviously so heavily sedated that while her blank eyes looked through the coffin there was confusion as to how many people were last that day. 10 Years past and people moved on, only two weeks ago I was at local restaurant when I heard a giggling, screaming, naughty little munchkin running a muck. I turned to see a familiar looking beautiful little girl with the longest lashes playing with her grandma. My old high school friend had a niece that looked just like him. He may have never had the chance to meet her but I was sure that his mum had given life to her daughter and her gran daughter had brought her back to life.

I still get mad at my mum, she cant keeps her opinions on my mothering skills to herself nor can she stop herself from fighting with pretty much everyone we meet. My boyfriend told me that he thinks my mum would pick an argument with her own shadow.
But I replied to him.. "I'm sure she would, if her shadow was hurting one of hers"