Ode to my Ex.

Dear Ex, Thank you. You taught me so much...
You taught me tolerance.. At first I learnt to tolerate your constant jealousy, then listening to you breath in and out required tolerance- eventually I learnt to tolerate you like a bush fella does the fly on his face.
You taught me compassion, after months of paying your rent I learnt to have compassion for everyone you bleed off not to mention an extreme amount of sympathy for myself.
You and your small dick taught me how to enjoy sex, having experienced nothing but your sexual gluttony for so long, when I finally moved on- somebody so much as opening the taxi door for me was enough to make me climax.
You taught me not to sweat the small things, who would worry about the toilet seat being left up when theres also spew down the side of your bed.
Your Rabi approach to dividing a bill at dinner, it has taught me to budget.
You taught me how wonderful my friends are, they love me enough to come over for coffee even though they had to sit on the same couch as you while you sat in nothing but your jocks and pulled a bong they still came.
You taught me Independence, bailing on me for your dead shit mates every time we went out taught me to rely only on myself.
You taught me to take care of my body, coming home to you at 3am David Hassle-Scoffing a pizza would teach anyone to eat well.
You taught me the importance of financial stability, The memory of you knee deep in dust because you could have sworn you vacuumed up 20cents earlier that week is one Ill never forget.
Finally my dear Ex thank you so much for dumping me, I could have never put all these lessons to use had you not have.
In the words of Celine Dion "I'm everything I am because you loved me"xxx